anniversary

miles and i got married ten years ago today. wow. ten years. it is just crazy to me that it has been ten years already. i am so glad i don't have to plan another wedding. that was super stressful. i would like to take another honeymoon though. we really wanted to take a family vacation this year to celebrate but i guess it wasn't meant to be. maybe next year we will be able to go.

we are not going to do anything today to celebrate because miles is working late but we do plan to go to the movies on sunday. jen and ray are going to watch the kids for us. it will be fun to have a date night.

happy new year

hello 2011. wow. just wow. i really can't believe it is 2011. i never even got used to it being 2010. i am excited about the new year though. i plan on making big changes this year. huge changes. so of course i have a whole set of resolutions.

1. be more positive. i feel like i have been so depressed and negative lately. i just want to have a more positive outlook on life.

2. simplify our lives. we just have too much stuff and too much going on. i plan on getting rid of a bunch of junk and not making as many plans this year. i don't want to be overwhelmed all the time.

3. keep the house clean. i am going to make a chore chart and start making the kids (and miles) clean up after themselves. i am the only one cleaning around here and i am seriously losing this battle. this has got to stop. the mess really gets me down. i just can not be happy in a messy house.

4. learn how to use "the good camera." miles has a really nice camera that i don't ever use. i think if i took the time to learn it i could get some really nice photos.

5. eat dinner as a family at the table. we have really gotten bad about this. lately the kids have been eating together and then miles and i eat separately later. i don't like that. we need to sit and eat together. it is important family time.

6. turn off the television. this one just makes me crazy. i am always turning off the television and someone will turn it on moments later. ugh. i don't like it on all the time. we don't need the extra noise. i am going to start enforcing the two hours per day of television watching.

all in all, i really just need a little less chaos. a little more time to read, cook, hang out with the kids without being crazy and stressed. hmmmmm. is this possible?

i found it!

i found my wedding ring! oh my gosh this is just the best news ever. my wedding ring has been missing for six months. i realize this news would be more dramatic if i had published the post explaining when i lost it, but i was too sad to finish writing it. i had replayed the moment that i lost it so many times in my mind. going over every detail trying to figure out what had happened to it. it played like a csi episode where you can see the trajectory of the bullet in slow motion as they try to recreate the crime scene.

on new years eve we were getting ready for a party at our house. our guests were just starting to show up and i was rushing to get dressed. my sister christina was in the bedroom with me combing dahlia's hair when i reached for my necklace. the necklace caught on my wedding ring and dragged it along to the edge of the shelf where it fell. i heard one ping and then nothing. i remember telling christina that i had just dropped my ring and could she look for it by her foot. was she stepping on it? we looked and could not find it. i searched all over the floor and then called miles to help me. everyone was soon searching for the ring that must be right there. i mean i just dropped it. where could it go? after a good half hour to hour of looking i decided to not worry about it that evening and just find it in the morning. we were having a party after all.

starting january first i looked everywhere for the ring. i started to doubt that i saw it fall and broadened the search to the whole house. i searched though many closets that hadn't been cleaned since i moved in. i went through 25 bags of trash. yes 25 bags. this was the christmas trash. ugh. i had the rubber gloves on and looked through every piece. just in case it had been thrown away. gross. we took the doors off of the closet and looked in every corner. i took every single thing out of miles closet and looked through it. after two weeks of looking i sort of gave up and hoped that it would just show up one day. i often wished i could go back to that moment it fell and just slow down. not pull my necklace so quickly so it wouldn't catch onto my ring.

so last night i was laying in bed unable to sleep thinking about my ring wondering where it was and if i would ever see it again. i got out of bed and laid on the floor where the ring fell. i noticed there was a very small gap, less than half an inch between the bottom of the last drawer on the vanity and where the frame met it. perhaps the ring bounced off the ground and into that gap. i was going to look that instant but connor started crying so i waited until morning. first thing when i woke up i asked miles if he ever pulled out the vanity drawers and looked there. he said he did and i could vaguely remember him doing so. i decided to look anyway and pulled out the drawer and shined my flashlight in there. there it was. just sitting on the wood floor. i can't believe it. i never thought i would see it again. i have never been so happy to see an inanimate object.

i really never thought i could be so attached to an object. i would just think about the ring missing and cry. it really could never be replaced. even if miles bought me another one it would not be the one that we exchanged our vows with. i love that ring. i pulled the ring out, kissed it and checked to be sure that it was the real thing. there on the inside of the ring was the inscription proclaiming how much miles loves me, "more than chocolate cake."

birth story

here is the full story.

i woke up around 1:45 am on friday morning thinking i felt a funny release of water. sure enough when i went to the bathroom there was a gush of water and then later more trickles. i knew my bag of waters had broken. i was completely freaked out. i was only 34 weeks pregnant. this was too early. i called miles in the office/garage and asked him to come inside the house because i thought my water had broken. i was in such denial. i kept thinking no, this is wrong. this can't be right. it is too early. the baby can't come yet. i was so scared. it took me a while to get my thoughts together enough to pack my bag for the hospital. miles had rushed inside and called my doctor. my doctor said to go to the hospital right away. i asked him if i should wait to see if more water came out and be sure that it really broke and he said "no, you should go to labor and delivery right away." i called my mom and asked her and christina to come get mason and dahlia. i knew it would take her an hour to get here. i wasn't feeling any contractions like with dahlia so i knew i had some time.

mom and christina came and took the kids around 3:00 am. miles and i left 10 minutes later and checked into the hospital around 3:30 am. they admitted me right away and got me into a bed. when they checked me i was 3 cm. dilated. they hooked me up to an iv with fluids and antibiotics. then they gave me a steroid shot to help the babies lungs develop. the shot takes 24 hours to be effective and a full 48 hours to really be effective. it needs at least 12 hours to do much at all. the doctor wanted to slow down or stop my labor long enough for the steroid to work. he had them give me a shot of terbutaline. this drug is a muscle relaxer that should slow the contractions. it makes you feel really jittery like you just had 3 shots of espresso. they kept telling miles and i that if they could stop the labor i could stay here in that room for a week until the baby was 35 weeks. giving the baby more time to develop. we were so surprised. we thought that once your water would break that you only had 24 hours to deliver. we never even thought that the doctor would want to stop the labor. i remember thinking. oh my god am i going to have to stay in this bed in pain with water dripping out of me for a whole week. i couldn't even imagine making it to 48 hours.

i was feeling guilty because i was thinking "he's fine. just let him be born. i don't want to sit here for a week." i am terrible. so selfish. the terbutaline didn't do anything and i continued to have contractions about 6 minutes apart. they gave me another shot of the same drug and we waited to see if it would work. they told me to try to sleep, but there was no way i could sleep. my contractions did slow down for a while, but then picked up again. they were getting closer and stronger. they decided the next thing to try was to put me on magnesium sulfate. this drug is much stronger than the terbutaline. they put it my iv. it burns like hell when it goes into your veins. it makes you feel very hot, like you are laying on a heating pad. my face got flushed. it is supposed to relax you. they also had to put a catheter in me at that time because i would not be allowed out of bed. this whole process just sucked. i really just wanted to be able to have the baby. i hated all the drugs they had pumping through me. the worst part was that none of it was working. my contractions kept getting stronger and closer and i just knew that i wasn't going to last long. i think sometime around 9 am. i asked for some pain medication. i did not want an epidural, i just wanted something that could take the edge off the pain. they took a long time getting me something. the nurse wanted to check me first to see how dilated i was, but my doctor didn't want her to. she gave me demerol. it was so nice. it doesn't stop the pain of the contractions but it does make you feel better in between.

miles was so great during all of this. he held my hand during the contractions and told me to breath. i really did do the breathing techniques this time. they worked. they really did help. i was surprised. i broke down and started crying at around 11 am. i just couldn't take it any more. i was in so much pain and it didn't seem like it was leading to anything. they were all trying to prolong the labor and it felt like i was being tortured. my nurse was so sweet. she came in and saw me crying and decide she was going to check me even if my doctor didn't want her to. she thought i was ready. sure enough i was 9 cm. dialated. she called the doctor and started getting everything ready for me to give birth. thank god. i was so relieved. soon my doctor came in and there was a whole team of NICU nurses and doctors that all came in for the birth. there were at least 6 or 7 people in there. i don't remember any of them, but miles, my nurse, and my doctor. i had my eyes closed for most of it. i was trying to focus on pushing. i kept thinking of my sister jen. when she was giving birth she was so good about not swearing or making a big scene. i was trying to stay in control. i did so much better this time than with dahlia. i did not swear at all. i did yell out that i was dying and it was killing me. the babies head was stuck right at the opening and it was burning like crazy. it only took about 5 contractions of pushing to get him out. he was born at 12:04 pm. 5 pounds 1 ounce. 17 inches long. my doctor said "open your eyes sherry. look at your baby." he looked perfect. he started crying right away. thank god. they let me hold him for about 30 seconds before they rushed him away. he was making a wheezing noise and they were worried about his lungs. they said he was in distress. miles said later that he was fine. he just had a little fluid in his lungs that he was trying to get out. i was so shocked to find out that i didn't need an episiotomy this time. i didn't even tear. hurray. the baby looked much better than i thought he would. he looked like a perfect full term baby, only smaller. he ended up getting 8 hours of exposure to the steroid so i guess it was good that the doctor slowed down my labor.

wow. birth is such a crazy experience. it really is like an emotional roller coaster. you just feel shocked for days. i am finally starting to feel like myself again today. i am sure the hormones only add to the confusion. well. there it is. the birth story of our last baby. such drama this boy.

32 weeks pregnant

well i am almost 33 weeks pregnant so i thought i should show off the belly. here is a photo of miles and i at the wedding we went to last sunday. i am not big on taking pictures of myself while i am pregnant. i feel like i just look like a big fatty. oh well. i thought i should post at least one. especially since we got all dressed up.

i am so happy that the baby will be here soon. i am super uncomfortable now and it would be fun to meet him. we are almost ready. we just bought a bookcase from target that we are going to put bins in and use as a makeshift dresser. we priced out a matching dresser like the one we got for mason and dahlia and it was going to be $750.00. that is not in our budget right now so we settled for the temporary $75.00 bookcase. i still think it looks nice. the only stuff i really needed to buy for the baby was diapers, wipes, new bottle nipples, and a cute take home outfit for the hospital. we have all the other stuff from mason and dahlia. poor third baby gets all the hand-me-downs. i don't think he will mind.

i am thinking i only have about 4-5 weeks left. both mason and dahlia were early so i am hoping this one will be early also. i don't want him to stay in and just get bigger. yikes. i am already worried about labor. ohh. it hurts so bad. luckily i tend to have fast labors. oh i just remembered i still need to get the celebratory bottle of veuve clicquot champagne for when i come home from the hospital. mmmm. i can't wait.

expecting

i probably should have mentioned by now that miles and i are expecting our third baby. yikes. i was reluctant to tell the world until we were done with all the genetic testing and i was safely in my 2nd trimester. it is official now. we are having another baby. it is a boy. the baby should be here sometime around december 11th.

we have been doing a little baby prep around the house this week and we moved the crib into our room. i just finished washing the sheets and ironing the bed skirt. it looks so cute. i think i got my first tinge of excitement looking at the empty crib and imagining a baby sleeping in there. most of this time i have been in a state of panic that i will never be able to take care of three little ones. i am sure the closer i get to my due date the more excited i will be. three kids. oh my.

we are green

we have been recycling our cans, glass, and plastic. not just putting them in the recycle bin, but actually separating them and taking them to the recycle center. i can't believe we are actually doing this. i am so impressed with us. i don't really like to go there. it is dirty and kind of a drag. mason likes to help. we get about $10.00 a month from all our recyclables, and then we donate the money. i feel like it is an easy way to earn a tiny bit of money to donate.

we have been so good about our green reform. we have replaced most of our light bulbs with cfl's. we also almost always use our canvas bags for groceries and such. i love not having a big collection of grocery bags to throw away. plus it is so much nicer to carry a canvas bag.

anniversary

miles and i celebrated our five year anniversary today. i can't believe we have been married for five years. wow. that sure went by quickly. i remember on our honeymoon i asked miles if we could return to australia for our five year anniversary. it sounded so far away. well, we did not make it back to australia this year. i have now revised my request to celebrate our ten year anniversary in australia.

we had a nice evening together. we drove to jen and rays house to drop the kids off. they were nice enough to offer to watch them for us. they live close to the beach and lots of great restaurants so we walked to dinner from their house. dinner was delicious. we went to houstons. the restaurant was pretty casual which was fine with me. i got to have sushi and miles got a steak so it was the perfect menu for both of us. after dinner we walked to the beach and watched the sunset. it was very relaxing. i was wishing i was on a boat or a plane. i am longing for an adventure. we could see the planes taking off from LAX and i kept wondering where they were going. after a short time, we walked back to jen and rays house for champagne and dessert. i had chocolate cake. mmmmm. it was a nice ending to a romantic evening.

working girl

i took a freelance job for a month. it is with my old coworkers doing graphics for a television network. i actually went back to work last week, but i was so angry about it i didn't want to write. i have since calmed down and have settled in to my new routine. i am hoping this will only be a temporary situation and i will be back at home with the kids next month. we will see. meanwhile i am trying to be positive and have some fun designing.

i actually love to design. it has been a long time (7 months) since i have done any design. not counting my personal projects of course. i was a bit worried to go back and work. could i do it? have i forgotten how to design and animate? will i suck? turns out i am doing just fine. not much has changed in the last seven months. i am having fun being creative again.

miles is watching the kids by himself this month. i am jealous of course. he is doing a pretty good job. the house is a mess, but the kids are clean and fed and seem pretty happy. at least he is focused on the important things. i had a mild freakout when i found out he was microwaving my breast milk. "what!!! why are you putting the breast milk in the microwave??? it kills all the nutrients. we have a bottle warmer. use the bottle warmer". let's hope he is doing it right this week. i wonder if i should set up a nanny cam. just kidding.

here is a picture of my precious babies this morning. i am so jealous when i leave in the morning. i want to crawl in bed with them and snuggle up.

resoultions

i have been wanting to write down my resolutions from the new year. perhaps it will motivate me to see them in writing. 

1. lose 10 pounds of baby weight. - to be fair it is not really baby weight. only 5 pounds is baby weight. the other 5  i gained before i got pregnant. i am currently 130. i would love to get down to 115. but i will take 120.

2. start blog about kids. - this is a work in progress. i really want a place to record their development. only interesting to me i suppose. oh well.

3. read more books.

4. fill out kid's baby books. - i actually worked on this the other day. not bad. i just find it a bit dull to do.

5. get rid of most of my cooking magazines. ugh. i have a huge pile i need to trash. it is so hard because they are filled with great recipes. 

well that doesn't seem to hard. i should have this done in a month. i hope. 

three please

i want another baby. my family thinks i am crazy. the whole time i was pregnant i said this was the last one. no more. two is enough. now i changed my mind. i want another one. i always thought i would love a big family. i have 5 brothers and sisters. i loved the chaos. maybe it is just the hormones. giving birth is just the best feeling in the whole world. bringing home a newborn is just magical. you just can't help but smile every time you look at that little face. this just can't be my last baby. one more please.

co-sleeping

we now have four people in our bed. we swore we would not let dahlia in our bed. we learned from our mistake with mason. there is no room for four people we said. we will have her sleep next to the bed in her cradle while i breast feed. then she will be moved to her room in the crib. ha. we are weak. she did sleep in her cradle for a couple of weeks, but then the heater broke. it was way too cold for a newborn to sleep alone. we had to huddle together for warmth. so we let her in our bed. now that the heater is fixed, she has decided she likes to sleep in our bed. hmmm. this is all too familiar. how did we let this happen again?

dahlia's birth

i thought i should write the story of her birth before i forget it.

monday was my doctors appointment. when she checked me she said i was dilated 3 centimeters. wow. i was so surprised. i had not felt any pain beyond the usual braxton hicks contractions. hearing that really got me excited. miles and i were sure she would come before thanksgiving. my doctor thought i would definitely give birth before the weekend. miles and i got everything ready to hand off the thanksgiving responsibilities. just in case. it was a good thing we are so organized. on tuesday i lost my mucus plug. i don't remember that happening with mason. that was weird. again i got really excited thinking that tuesday was the day. nope.

on wednesday i woke up at 6 am to start working on the thanksgiving food. i got the house all cleaned and table set. miles and i got lots of the chopping and food prep done. at this point i was sure she would stay in until after thanksgiving. i wasn't feeling any contractions. miles and i worked all day until about 7 pm. the house looked beautiful. just perfect. i love the way my house looks before a party. my sister christina and her daughter zena were supposed to come over to help prepare for thanksgiving. at around 8 pm i told her not to come. she still had not left her house and would not get here until after 9. i was exhausted. i was going to bed. i had done enough for the day.

at around 12:30 am i woke up with my water breaking. this time it was not the trickle of fluid like with mason, but a huge gush of water that soaked through my pajamas and on the bed. i was so freaked out. i called miles. he was in the office playing wow. my brother bob was online with him and miles told him my water broke. it was strange because my mother called me about 5 minutes later. i had no idea how she knew i was in labor. i didn't know that bob had told her. i was so disoriented and confused. i didn't know what to do next. i decided to take a shower and calm down. miles was so funny. he kept saying we need to get to the hospital. what are you doing? i was doing my hair. i wanted to look good in the pictures. i am so vane. i could tell this labor was moving much faster than the last one. i was having contractions so bad i could barely put my shoes on. i told miles i couldn't tie my shoes and he gave me slippers to put on. please. i was not going to go to the hospital in my slippers. i managed to get my shoes on and packed my bag.

i was stalling for time. my mother, brother and sister were on their way to our house so they could watch mason for us. they live about 45 minutes away. i realized i was not going to make it. i told miles we better go to the hospital. he was so panicked. he kept saying i told you we need to go. he got mason in the car super fast. we were on our way. i called and told my mom to meet us at the hospital instead. it was about 1:30 am. we got to the hospital in about 5 minutes. we had to go to the emergency entrance. the main entrance was closed. they were very quick to admit us and take us up to labor/delivery. poor mason started crying when i sat in the wheel chair. he wanted me to hold him.

when they checked me i was dilated 6 cm. i was in so much pain. god labor hurts so bad. my mom, sister and brother showed up and took mason to the waiting room at the end of the hall. it was so funny that my brother bob came. he was there for the birth of my son, and i thought it was so sweet that he wanted to be there for the birth of my daughter also.

i was really in a ton of pain. i remember saying i forgot how much labor hurt. it was strange, because i was so tired that i really wasn't in the mood to be in labor. i just wanted to sleep. i asked the nurse to give me something for the pain. they had to hook me up to an iv first. god. that took forever. my veins are hard to find. by time they got an iv in me i felt like i had to push. they checked me again and i was dilated 10. it was too late to give me any pain killers. the nurse was very nice and looked at me with an apologetic face telling me it was too late to give me anything for the pain. it wouldn't help me and it would only drug the baby. i would have to go without. good lord. that was fine with me as long as it was time to push. i was not as tough this time. i just went ahead and cried. when mason was born i was much tougher. i held in how much it hurt. this time i had nothing to prove. labor hurts. no use pretending to be brave. i was biting my hand and hitting the railing during the contractions. they kept telling me to breathe.

i was so ready to push. there was only one problem. my doctor was not there yet. agh. it was a little after 2 am at this point. the nurse kept saying. just try not to push. just wait. if you can't wait any longer then i will assist you and your husband in delivering the baby. i remember thinking what the hell is she talking about. help my husband deliver the baby. is she nuts. there is no way i want miles delivering my baby. i think this idea really freaked out miles. thank god my doctor showed up 2 minutes later. i have never been so happy to see my doctor in my life. it did not take long to push the baby out. i was screaming i am going to die, and saying various cuss words. i felt bad about cursing in front of my mom and doctor. they are both so religious. my doctor did have to give me an episiotomy. she did that with mason also. as soon as she made the incision dahlia popped out. she was born at 2:49 am. only 2 hours after my water broke. she was in a hurry to see us.

she was so beautiful. i remember saying she is so beautiful over and over. i put her to my breast right away and she started sucking. we have not had any problems with her breastfeeding. yay. my sister and brother came in to see her. they were so shocked that she was already here.

thanksgiving baby

well she is here. little miss dahlia june was born on thursday morning, november 22 at 2:49 am. wow. she is so beautiful. i love her so much. she weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces, and was 19.25 inches long. so cute. she was fast too. my whole labor only lasted 2 hours. i did it completely natural. no pain killers at all. ugh. it hurt so bad. thank goodness it was over quickly. i will post the full story later.